Unnatural
by Jaws That Bite
Summary: .HackROOTS Phyllo's recent thoughts on Haseo and his change. What I think he may be thinking. Spoilers for .hackROOTS. One shot.


UNNATURAL

By: Blade-kun

Disclaimer: I don't own .hack/ROOTS (obviously). But I love bishounen Haseo. Even now that he's all mean and angsty.

* * *

I miss those days.

It's not unusual, I suppose, for an old man like me to look back on the past and miss it, but this…for the first time in my life, I felt my heart really clench in pain.

Shino…I finally feel warranted to call you a fool. For you truly were if you ever believed…that I would be able to save Haseo's sanity if you left.

Sometimes I wonder when the switch happened. He was so fascinated with Ovan, and often disregarded you in favor of the Steam Gunner. Then suddenly, in a very subtle manner, he became very attached to you. It was so subtle though that, up until you disappeared, I didn't realize just how attached he was.

Sometimes I resent you, Shino. I resent you for leaving and doing this to him. I am sad because he is now beyond my reach. I cannot help him, no matter how hard I try. I am only mildly comforted by the fact that on occasion he still visits me, and still, even now, cherish a foolish notion that one day he will go back to the way he was.

I was fond of him then. He was very much like, well, not a grandson or anything, but a distant relative that I'd taken under my wing. He fascinated me. He was so detached and clueless, but not really in that naïve way, not at all. He just didn't care. But he was still curious.

I remember the time the guild accused him of fraternizing with the enemy, and he came and talked to me about it. I'd told him that if it didn't work out, he could always log off and watch the stars. I still remember the curious look on his face as he turned to me and echoed my words.

"_Stars?"_

"_What, you don't know? You'll be able to see a meteor shower tonight."_

He'd given a small smile as he heard this, as though it was ironic in some odd way, before settling his face back into his neutral expression and speaking the same phrase I expected to roll off his tongue.

"_I'm not interested."_

I would have wondered if anything interested him if it weren't for you and Ovan.

I told him I was logging off. He just gave his usual acknowledgement. _"I see."_ Of course I'd turned to him and teased him.

"_You're a guy who doesn't even have a single sliver of romanticism."_

And then I logged off. I never caught the answering expression on his face.

If there was any.

I remember the first time I met him. I was idly commenting on the rise of PKers and apparently he hadn't noticed me at all, for when he turned he looked thoroughly startled by the sight of me. I would have laughed if not for the situation.

Haseo was just someone who fascinated me. I enjoyed his company and his vague questions and rare comments, to which I gave equally vague answers. He was one of the few people that ever really caught my attention. I half wished I could meet him in real life. I would have liked to talk with him.

Now that was impossible. Now…he was simply crazed. If your disappearance hadn't sent him over the edge, then his transformation certainly did. I wondered what he was like in the real world now. Did he fight with people the same way he preyed on PCs in The World? Or did he just close himself off entirely?

I would never know. Damn you, Shino, Ovan, for corrupting this boy and then abandoning him. Such a fragile mental state, kept in such a fragile balance, yet steady and stable until you both shattered it. I may never forgive you for it.

I would give anything to have the old Haseo back.

Tabby futilely chased after him. I didn't. I knew it was hopeless. Haseo only had eyes for Tri-Edge now. It would take a great mental shock or reality check to bring him out of it now, and I didn't think he had enough mind frame for one. He just didn't care. About anything. Nothing mattered except for his foolish revenge against Tri-Edge.

Even when he comes to me, he doesn't really say anything. I do most of the talking, trying to make him understand. He gets fed up and leaves. He no longer listens to anything I have to say. I suppose it's a victory though that he bothers to visit me at all.

Maybe I should ask him why sometime. The answer should prove interesting.

Why can't I forget this boy? It wasn't like me at all, to focus so much on one person, extraordinary or no. It was almost unnatural. I have so many others that have come and sought my advice. They do it everyday, even now. They don't even always come to talk. Sometimes they just come and don't say anything, as though being in my presence will somehow help them understand their thoughts.

Nice to know I have such a reputation.

They come and go like the flow of time. They seek me out. I should focus on them. But I _can't_. I can't forget him.

Maybe it was because…I wanted to help. I wanted to help more than anything. I wanted to fix his broken mind, bring back some sense of stability within him, and regain the boy I was so fond of, who nowadays I do nothing but worry over.

I said it once, I say it again.

Damn you, Shino.


End file.
